Few current thoughts, ups and downs and then bit more of an amazing, and continuous spiritual experience.

One of the problems I’ve had since that grotty diagnosis has been low immunity to infection, apparently I’m a couple of pints down (litre) with a paucity of white cells, that’s a good word innit?

So…am currently in my 5th bout of bronchitis in twelve months and was coughing the other day when our delightful grandaughter Emily brought me over her cup of water. She’s just over two years old, how perceptive, how lovely, what an angel, I felt quite emotional.

Talking angels, I may have met one on Easter Saturday.

I had been feeling a bit low, unable to run, because of the cancer  not earning for over a year could do with a new car and take Mo on a holiday, I’d missed out on  snowboarding again too! I guess most of all I was feeling a bit disapointed that nobody wanted to join me from the local fellowship in open air work. Evangelism  has always been central  in my life. There’s one guy, Chris, who comes into local ‘ greasy spoons’ with me but that’s all. 

 You see whilst it’s true we cannot earn our salvation ( religious speak ) I wanted to give something back.

So Easter Saturday found me  in Bournemouth Square doing some ‘Magic with a Message’ that’s when I entertain the crowd with Magic, do a straight jacket escape and share some of the Gospel for a couple of hours.

 I was feeling a bit low, friends from my  magic club hadn’t turned up either. Then this elderly gent, another Terry, 83 years old, arrived with a bag of tracts ( that’s small leaflets explaining about Easter.  He was looking for ‘the evangelist’,  Terry another guy who sometimes goes there.  I said, I’m Terry too (or was that three?) I’m alone and sharing my faith why not help me?  ‘Well I don’t want to take these back home, thanks’. 

He stayed for about an hour distributing and sharing  scripture with the onlookers I remember one thing he said to some teenagers,  ’Don’t worry about the different churches just put your trust in Jesus, He won’t let you down.’ 

What a great encouragement for us both, he told me, ‘The Lord’s in this’.

It was only later when I wondered if this Terry was an angel, sent to encourage me, well he was my angel!

Hey not only  that, was there another? A fortnight ago I was returning from B.Square on the bus and chatting to a woman about what I’d been doing, this time I ‘d been collecting for ‘Turn on the Tap’.  Just before she got off she gave me £5 for the kids in Africa….wow you just never know who you are talking to do you.

………………

…….OK Part 2 of Power

I was in ‘hands down at Lansdowne’, last week and heard the  preacher say, ‘We are all Baptised in the Spirit when we are ‘born again’. How sad, how mislseading, how incorrect. Let me tell you what happened to me, a year after I was ‘born again’. …… This next bit may only be understood by Christians, so if you don’t want to read on, don’t.

I ended the last post with ‘Crumbs..she’s got it’ . This was our groups first taste of ‘it’. We were not totally sure even what ‘it’was only that it was good and made the presence of Jesus more real.  Mo later said that she had felt a tingling throughout her body from the top of her head to the tips of her toes (she has experienced that same feeling many times since that day).

Time flashed by, half an hour then fifty minutes of pure praise to God, it was the most memorable prayer meeting I had ever attended. After she had spoken in this new language of tongues, she received a number of phone calls from our group to see if she could still do ‘it’. You see it was still a new experience to us.  Over the next few weeks, we attended more meetings,excited, encouraged that there was more to follow for one by one we were to be Baptised in the Spirit.  But it had ‘nt happened to me. After all it was me who had got everyone together in the first place, I was the one who had spoken with the minister, it was my idea, surely I was the most spiritual, didn’t I deserve it?  Wrong answer, wrong  motives, I searched my heart if this was a gift from God it could not be earned.  I prayed, didn’t get the ‘tingling’ and gave up frustrated.

Six weeks later it happened.  I went to Bernard’s church and heard the FGBFI (google it) speak.  One laid hands on me and said, ‘The Holy Spirit is in you now, believe it‘.  Suddenly I did.   I spoke a few strange words and he said,’ that’s it, say it again’. I did and then felt something welling up inside me, the release came, words just tumbled out of my mouth, I felt ecstatic as the Spirit began to flow and foreign sounding words were released from deep within me.  I realised that I could stop and start at will and had to remember to breath in between times. I was unconcerned with the continuing meeting as others were prayed for, God was real and alive to me in that church.  I now possessed a far greater power than that came with the policeman’s warrant card.

I just worshipped the Lord in my new language, knew that I was getting through, all the pent up anguish, doubts, fears, emotions and feelings never before expressed, love gushed out.  English was insufficient to offer to God praise I   found a new  release in tongues.

I was at the Farnley Fellowship at Thornton Heath with Ray Stubbin and five other police officers.  During the singing things warmed up, and many raised their hands in praise.  One officer said ‘Police don’t do this’ and Ray replied with a huge grin on his face, ‘I know’ and carried on enjoying himself.

Paul from Tooting was an incredible sight, he’s an officer that has to stoop to get in the front door, he’s so tall, he and a group of other police and their wives were in my house and literally dancing for joy during a time of praise as we met to share Jesus.  What is it that can enthuse men to act in this way?  It is the power of the Holhy Spirit in their lives.

Colin Urquhart  in his book ‘The Truth that sets you Free’ says,’When first Baptised in the Holy Spirit  t’s common for believers to experience the life of the spirit flooding their souls. They experience his joy in greater measure, They are more aware of his love than ever before, are at peace in a new way and  experience the peace that passes understanding…..’

Hey, there’s more of my testimony, ups and downs, for perhaps another time of how prayer in my new language has raised the dead…you don’t do that every day, yet despite amazing events, often prayer seems unanswered, my baby, my dad and others died.  Do yiou know what King David did when his son died?  He got dressed, washed himself and worshipped God.  Praise helped overcome and this has  increased my and others faith. Being ‘zapped by God has encouraged me and many Christian, brought others  to God, enriched Jesus in my life given boldness confidence and power to live for Him.

When you know the power of the Holy Spirit in your life, how can you not share your faith and the hope -certainty – that is within you .

 PLEASE SHARE  THESE STORIES WITH ANYONE YOU KNOW WHO HAS CANCER, HEART TROUBLE OR SERIOUS ILLNESS.

There was once a Christian Policeman called PC Odd, he was greatly loved and when he died they erected a memorial to him which said, ‘Here lies PC Odd, a Christian Policeman’ and people passing by would say, that’s odd – and they were right!

I’m not intending to do anymore posts. If you want to contact me you can on:   training-for-life@ntlworld.com

TTFN Terry Lawton

Having experienced a life threatening condition, last year indeed two life threatening conditions, cancer and heart disease….I still don’t believe it ….being one of the fitess men in the country, I thought I’d put pen to paper to encourage others faced with similar situations,  their own or of a close family member or friend, sort of living obituary if you like – but hold on there’s good news.

I’ve have a wonderfull wife, Mo, to share it with me, she’s an ex nurse  and enormous support, why should I worry when I have her? Then an amazing team  at Bournemouth Hospital and loads of people supporting me, and many praying too.

I called this blog Triumph Trauma and Hope. You see it could have been depressing, I had the choice of ‘turning my face to the wall and dying’ or sharing the Triumph in my life and the Hope for the future as well.

Being an ex ‘cop’ from the Met, I’ve been letting you into the secrets and experiences of serving in a similar time frame as conditions portrayed in the  ‘Heartbeat’ TV series. That’s when sergeants were largely overbearing  loud mouthed dictators, or so it seemed, and  the only radio communications, apart from the area cars, were flashing Dr. Who boxes and you had to walk the streets …no Pandas or bikes had been invented. So I got a horse and joined the Mounties!

I’ve been talking of the fun, excitement and some of the tragedies, including mine and the hope I was able to give to others. You see  coppers don’t just arrest people you know.

I’ve spoken of my own feelings during this last year, the frustrations, anxieties and  discomfort but also of my  faith in Jesus, the prognosis and future  hope with this disease and my certain hope for the future. 

This too can be yours. I encourage you to contact me if you are ‘going through it’ . You see, I’ve been ‘through it’ with 4300 pills, 340 stomach injections, 38 hospital visits in about ten months, so don’t tell me you are ill…Oh and three heart stents as well!

Hey, I’m not really boasting, I’m currently in remission, feeling great, back into running, I did six miles yesterday and am definitely going to WATCH tomorrow’s marathon!

So learn about some more of the power in my life……and what makes me tick!

Every policeman  is issued with a Warrant Card, it contains his name, signature, photograph and in the ‘Met’ is signed by the Commissionere of Police.  It is his warrant and authority for excercising his duties.

It permits free travel on buses and underground, it gives admission to great office blocks without appointments to see managing directors.  It authorises entry by force if necessary into peoples homes. It gains access to restricted areas on state occasions. It grants power to deprive people of their liberty and it allows the right to enter the presence of Royalty.  It has even been known to give free parking, free meals and free trips to the cinema.  As one retirng Superintendent said to me once, ‘I shall miss this little friend!’  To sum up the warrant card gives the possessor the power to act as a representative of the Queen at all times, both on and off duty.

OK THIS NEXT BIT GETS RELIGIOUS AND A BIT LATER ON IT GETS SUPER RELIGIOUS AND MAYBE A BIT WEIRD  – YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! I GUESS ONLY MY CHRISTIAN FRIENDS WILL UNDERSTAND THIS.

Jesus said, that we’d all receive power when the Holy Spirit comes upon us.  The Warrant Card does not hold a candle to the power of the Holy Spirit.

A group of friends from Lordship Lane Baptist Church (East Dulwich) used to visit local coffee bars to share the gospel with the youth, we also held special youth services at the church and did some door to door visiting.  The emphasis was on sharing our faith, we were Christians.  We would meet and pray beforehand and set objectives and on the day ‘go for it’.  Our hearts were always beating fearfully, yet we made some good contacts and several people were ‘ influenced’ for the Gospel.

During this period I felt  a growing hunger in my life for more of God.  My friends felt the same, do you ever get that feeling?

There’s a bit in the Bible that says,’ Taste and see that the Lord is good ’  Well we found that he was very good and wanted more.

In the mid 60′s there was little teaching compared with now  on the Holy Spirit.   Few books were available and words like ‘Tongues’, ‘Prophecy’ and ‘Healing’ were mostly unheard of except among the Pentecostal denomination and they were regarded  as unlearned and excessive in their services.

We searched the Bible for references to the Holy Spirit, ticking them off in a concordance (Youngs) – there were hundreds – we felt God was guiding us and kept looking.

There was a small Pentecostal church at Paddington opposite the nick the sign on the door said ‘All Welcome’ so one day I went in.  I sat through a lively service in which they sang spiritual songs for ages and the people seemed very happy.  I asked the minister, Bernard Porter if he would come and teach us about the Holy Spirit, there were seven from my church who were interested, Bernard agreed and later came to the police flats in Maida Vale and began.

We learned that the Holy Spirit comes to glorify Jesus.  At conversion we are indwelt by the Spirit.  When a Christian is baptised in the Spirit this indwelling is greatly expanded  read ( W.G Hathaway ‘Modern Pentecostal Phenomenon’ )

After some more talk Bernard said ‘Let’s just praise God’  That seemed odd to me, I had never actually done that before.  We began immediately, ‘Hallelujah, wonderful Jesus’ exclaimed his wife and  ‘Thank you Lord for dying for me’ prayed the minister, ‘Lord I love you’ his wife continued.

‘Crumbs’ I thought ‘they’re trying to work us up into an emotional state’. ‘Have you ever told God how much you love Him?’ said Bernard.  On seeing our reluctance, he said, ‘Try it it’s scriptural, He lives in the praises of His people, we are His people, when you begin to praise, God comes closer. ’ All this was new to me, Today most churches feel comfortable about praising and worshipping God in a more personal and open way but then it was different. 

We tried as he suggested, quietly at first, no prayers for the missionaries, the poor or the sick, just this new idea, worship.‘Hallelujah’ I ventured, whispering into my hands with head bowed but Bernard spotted it, he must have had his eyes open, ‘Look up, raise your arms in praise – it’s in the Bible’.

‘Oh no’ I groaned inwardly ‘not that too, it looks silly, after all I am a policeman and we don’t do that sort of thing’

‘Thank you Jesus  ‘said Maureen (Mo) who was sitting beside me.  I peeked through my open fingers and noticed that she was beginning to warm to the idea, her arms were raised in the air in adoration, ‘I really do love you Lord,’ she said as she continued to open up her heart.

It’s easier to say it in tongues’ tantalised the minister and he came out with a burst of foreign language.  I was actually starting to enjoy it!  Bernard and his wife circulated our group, laying their hands on each of our heads, this seemed a signal for my wife to start speaking and singing in a similar beautiful sounding language, tongues as the Bible describes it. (Google it). 

 It happened like this, Maureen, who was by now kneeling alongside me was pouring out her heart to the Lord, I found that the intimacy of her prayers was at first embarrassing.  Her language suddenly changed from English to the most beautiful sounds that I have ever heard, soft and lilting, like Russian and I felt that she was in direct communication with God, ‘Crumbs‘ I thought ‘she’s got it.’

……………………….more next time in Part 2

It was national headline news when Stephen Oake, a young detective, and a father of three, was stabbed to death while on an anti-terror raid in Manchester in 2003.

Speaking in Norwich, Stephen’s father, a friend of mine and  former Chief Constable Robin Oake, told of the night he had to break the tragic news to his wife, Chris, by phone before she heard about it on the 10 o’clock TV news.

“Darling, I have some dreadful news. Please be strong as you always are,” and then I told her, “Our Steve has been murdered on duty.” 

What a shock we all experienced,  the spirit of Fear  and Despair must have been active in many hearts at the dreadful news.  But  Robin and Chris had great faith  and even forgave the killer.  They are an inspiration to all of us, what great faith I don’t know if my faith would have been strong enough! 

The printing dispute at Wapping , lasting over a year was one of the most unpleasant  and hurtful series  of demonstrations  I ever performed. I was frequently  there in the middle of the night, protecting, drivers  from attacks as they tried to enter the news paper head quarters.

In most demonstrations there exists a spirit of mutual tolerance and comeraderie between  the police and protesters. Wapping was different.

You’d think that police were on the side of Robert Maxwell, then they were on the side of the demonstrators, in fact we were in the middle trying to protect both sides.

In the ‘Ban the Bomb’ marches of the 1960′s, the Greenham Common anti missile protests, and the Grunwick (photographic dispute); arrests were made with dignity.  I remember picking up the demonstrators who had sat down –  gently, indeed relationships were often made and it was not unknown for dates to be made with the young ladies arrested. Wapping was different.

There was a spirit of Hate from the protestors directed at the police. One leader wanted to personally challenge me…he must have thought that he was a gladiator. Little did he know of my expertise in self defence and I could have dropped him like a stone (I was an instructor).  But unable to accept the challenge we had to accept the abuse, the spitting and the bad feeling hurled at us.  Fear was there, but I was never afraid. If all around you is in turmoil and you are calm, you either don’t know how serious the situation is, are stupid, or have what I had Jesus’ promise of peace.

Earlier at the anti Vietnam rallies outside  the American Embassy in Grosvenor  Square. Whilst there was a lot of noise and missiles thrown at us, sometimes it was amusing. Wapping was different.

Chants of ‘Nixon out!’ filled the air and when we (I was Mounted at that time arrived) songs of ‘How Much is that Doggie in the Window’ filled the air when we arrived on our large dogs. When a  smoking ‘missile’ landed at my horses feet.  I  wasn’t too keen, so I slid off my horse and kicked it away, this brought  a look of horror  on the face of a PC as it stopped near him.  He immediately lobbed it back into the crowd – don’t think he should have done that but how would you have reacted? Wapping was different.

At the pits in Derbyshire, where I first learned the joy of having enormous amounts of well cooked crispy bacon for breakfast, (which I’ve continued to this day).  I  was even able to buya windsurfer from the overtime I made in  doing night duty there.  Sad how some suffered and others gained. However the ‘Met’ often  gave their prepared meals to the miners for their families, before the push and shove of the day  got under way.

Wapping was different, a spirit of evil hung about the place, you could almost smell the hatred and the violence simmering just below the surface.  There were no jokes or good humour, attempts were met with cutting and hurtful insults and abuse.

I tried to help a lady having an epileptic fit,  ‘Let me through’, I said, ‘I’m a first aid instructor’. The reply was a torrent of abuse spat out with ‘We don’t need you, you’re the enemy.’ and I was physically bundled away.  ‘I hope you die horribly of cancer and I really mean it’ another said. This upset a colleague of mine whose father had indeed just died of it.  Another said, ‘I wander what your wife is doing right now copper, who’s she in bed with?’ This from another,‘I hope you have a handicap kid’ and finally from a large fat lady, ‘I’d catch  Aids just to give it to you filth’.  She had no chance, nobody would touch her with a barge pole.

Rentacrowd had come of age at Wapping.

One night after the crowd had been chanting for hours,‘Nobody loves you, Nobody loves you.’ I could take it no longer and called back in a loud voice ‘That’s not true, my wife does” The humour did not catch on but I felt better. How on earth did the younger officer put up with this kind of abuse.  Their self control was remarkable.

Was it any wonder that after being subjected to this for twelve to fifteen hours without being allowed to retaliate that when orders were finally given to  clear the streets, some officers may have used ‘more force than was necesary ?’

Do we not have similar situations although more deadly with our Forces in Iraq and Afghanistan?

Who cares for the police, does a policeman have a soul?

Steve Oake – God’s Hero

……Next time, and it may be my last post, I’ll be sharing a spiritual experience that   makes me tick , be warned!

This picture shows fearless Robin (a Methodist minister who specialises in escapes, lying on a bed of nails! Do you fancy it?  When he stood up he had hundreds of nail marks on his back. 

Does that remind you of anyone at this Easter time?

As many of you know I started this blog to assist those who may be scared of facing a serious illness and that is pretty scary.  Also to tell you of some of the adventures I have had as a London ‘Bobby’

Bits of it have been scary, I was diagnosed with Multi Myeloma a year ago, then got the shock of being told later I had Coronary Heart disease and needed a Pace maker and Stents., that was a bit scary too.  But a problem shared is a problem halved they say. So in order to encourage others I kept a diary of my feelings and treatments along with stories of when I was in the police….just so you didn’t get too depressed.

The amazing thing I was never got depressed but often got fed up! I’ll tell you why in a mo.

Some of the police stories are funny, others sad, you can read the back issues and in a few minutes I’m moving on to some of the scary moments I experienced in the police, race riots, demonstrations, pain and  stuff like that.

Reli!gious alert!

I found that my faith in Jesus has been so strong that I knew that if the worse came to the worse, I was sure of where I was going.  I had no fear of death for Jesus had told me that when that time came I would be safe with Him.  Death was not the end of life! Try to work that lot out. 

O you may not know but I am a magician  and I was doing some escapes from a straight jacket in Bournemouth Square just before I got sick, I did loads of them and part of the story I gave was how all who were watching me trying to escape were probably unaware that I was likewise watching them, wondering what was keeping them from reaching their full potential in life.  Was it Depression, Fear, Bereavement, Sickness or some secret  guilt known only to them and God. When I escaped from the straightjacket I was able to say that Jesus had proved through his ‘escape from the grave’(resurrection), that we too can escape from Fear

It was only when I later got Cancer that I realised that I had been ‘preaching’ to myself as well as others, ironic wasn’t it. 

Well thousands of pills, injections,three stents and one year on ( along with superb diagnosis and treatment from Dr.  Helen McCarthy and Dr. Tawar’s teams at Bournemouth hospital along with loads of prayer, I’m in partial remission, feeling fine, running five miles at a time and also Kayaking, so be encouraged if you too are ‘going through it’. You do not have to go through it alone…..OK onto some Police stuff.

I got scared one night when I climbed Tower Bridge to rescue a man 190  feet above the Thames,( some of you would have read this in an early Blog, others maybe remember reading it at the time in the Press ) he was a jumper  but guess what it was Good Friday so having tried to persuade him down unsuccessfully I resorted to saying ‘This was the day Jesus died to show His love for you Tony, come down.’  He did, tony lived and I had my fifteen minutes of fame.

More..

‘You OK mate?’ I said one night duty as I opened the cell door to check the prisoner.  I was unprepared for what followed, he leapt off his bed and hurled himself towards me adopting a Kung Fu stance.  I backed off, he advanced assuming a fighting position with one foot thrust forward, hands like claws reaching out for me aned began aiming kicks in my direction.  His arms were weaving across his body and his fingers clawing in the air.  I think he emitted strange sounds too.

‘I was scared’ I later told the court, he was a frightening spectacle, so furious was his manner that I backed out of the cell with him kicking and swinging violently as he pursued me along the corridor into the charge room.  My mind struggled wildly as I tried to remember my self defence training.  My leg touched a chair then I remembered my training-and threw it at him!  I shouted for the reserve officer, the inspector came too, Fred the reserve, the chair and Inspector Mack and I all combined to stop him and we bundled him into the cell.  He was subsequentlhy sent to prison for a year.

Are you surprised to think that a police officer could be scared? They are only human and the youing officer is after all a civilian in uniform which is no protection from the knife, gun, mo b violence or a bomb .  It’s no protection in the dark either….

In Brian Hilliard’s book, ‘Nickers’ a light hearted look at police work.  He describes the ‘slimy thing’ at the end of the alley, after ten years service the average policeman on night duty begins to hear it slithering towards him, after 12 years he can just see its outline as he rounds a sudden corner and after 15 years he knows its going to get him.  There have even been cases of police drivers becoming aware that the slimy thing is sitting in the back of their car.

When I first joined the service I had to patrol streets of Victoria ( London ) at night without a radio ( not yet invented).  It was the officers job to push doors of the shops to check security.  Ever wondered what happened if a door opened? He had to go in, usualloy alone.  Or what about the sudden euyes that appeared glowing at you from a dark alley causing you to catch your breath before realising that it was not the ‘slimy thing’ but a cat on its nightly rounds.  Or those thoughts that race through your mind when attending a ‘suspects disturbed’ shout ( robbery or burglary in progress) or a man armed with a gun or a knife?  Why on earth do unarmed police go as fast as thehy can to these incidents, it certainly is a crazy profession, but one I always loved.

I remember going to a noisy party in Streatham one night duty and suddenly I was surrounded by scores of  youths, it was scary, I decided to get into the car and get assistance!

Another night duty  at the Elephant and Castle I arrested ‘Nick,Nick’ a famous comedian for head butting me…after seeing no tax  disc on his Rolls Royce. A group of men surrounded me and I felt threatened, so I told them he would get six months if they touched me.  They backed off, but it was scary!

Couple of religious paragraphs

I was to find that after the Baptism in the Spirit (Google it, it’s in the Bible too!) I had a new courage, I became acutely aware of the promise of Jesus who had said, ‘ I will never leave you’  The knowledge of His protection and love became a greater reality in my life for both on and off duty.  This same awareness has enabled many a Christian policeman to overcome fear and act with a calculated recklessness on occasions. 

There was Superintendent Boud, an officer from the West Midlands Constabulary who tells the story when as a young officer in the mining district he attended a Colliery where a ‘jumper’ had climbed the huge colliery wheel.  He looked around him and ‘realised that I was the officer with the least to lose, as my other colleagues had wives, children or aged parents, so I went up after him knowing that if I fell at least I knew where I was going.’

 I met Billy Burns,  a sergeant who catches bullets in his teeth, he lay shot in the mouth bleeding in the gutter, ‘I knew where I was going, but I did not want to go this way, he later said truthfully.  He miraculously survived although he lost some teeth, Later that day on nation wide television his wife gave a courageous and powerful account of their trust and love for Jesus, read his story in his book ‘Chase’

   …. more later on this subject including the man who said, ‘I hope you die of cancer’ ………….

Hey, I survived! Was conscious throughout the whole operation, saw it on the big screen saw them put three ‘stents’ in. They make the arteries larger so now I have one as wide as a motorway. This enables the blood to flow freely. Guess what within two weeks I was running again, well jogging actually. I’m now up to three miles at a time. Not a lot I know and really just a jog but thrilled to restart training. In fact the Cardiologists says to do as much as I like. Snowboarding again soon, depending on insurance cost. So thanks for your concerns/prayers.

 Meanwhile not been idle I’ve been practicing some new magic tricks and hope to share some fun and magical moments next week at the FCMUK annual conference. There’s some great magicians there and I’m performing to make them look even greater!

Somewhere in South London…

It was late and as I entered with the Inspector we saw too many people in too little space with insufficient air circulating, mixed with an aroma that was a cross between human odour and the sickly, pungency of cannabis being smoked.

There were bodies everywhere, in the corridors, on the stairs, lying, sitting, standing a few asleep some in one anothers arms or just sprawled over the floor.  Loud  music was belting out attacking our eardrums. That sickly smell of cannabis reached our nostrils as we responded to the complaint or a noisy party.

We were eyed suspiciously by the crowd as we pushed our way through, our blue uniforms standing out in stark contrast to the colourful, casual clothes of the largely ethnic gathering. I felt vulnerable and could sense eyes burning in the back of my head as we tried to find the organisers. Other police waited outside as ‘back up’. I wondered how fast they would react if needed. Would they hear our cries for help over the noise, could they get through the packed crowd.
We entered the kitchen where great pots and pans were steaming with food being prepared for the assembling people. ‘Whose in charge here?’ asked the Inspector calmly as people crowded round us..
‘Have some curry and rice officer’ came the reply from someone. The tension eased. The food looked good and I secretly hoped we might eat some. I realised that these people though at first appearing intimidating meant us no harm. It transpired that they were a religious group partying!

‘Your licence expired half an hour ago’ said the inspector and you should not be selling drinks, and what’s that strange smell? I could see the chance of curry disappearing fast!

It’s all a misunderstanding, don’t harrass us, we thought we were booked until five am, we are not selling alcohol, they must have brought it with them’, lied the organiser.

‘Who are you and what is the purpose of this gathering?’ I asked.

We are part of the ‘Twelve Tribes of Israel’ descended from the Jews, there’s never been any trouble at our gatherings, we uphold the law’ he explained.

What about the cannabis being smoked, that’s against the law’, I countered, knowing that all chance of that curry had now disappeared anyway.

‘Oh no man, that’s all right, it’s just a herb, God made the herb for us to enjoy’.he claimed. I said ‘He also told us  to obey the authorities and you are breaking the law by encouraging both drink and drug abuse.”

No he maintained, ‘it’s just a herb, we only want to spread peace and we don’t do nobody any harm.’

We carried on talking about both laws, man and Gods, before reporting them and left peacefully.  It was another opportunity though unexpected to share something of my faith and knowledge of the Bible, God’s holy book.  The Inspector later remarked that I seemed to know more about what they believed than they did. Pity about the curry though.

How sad that people should manipulate religion to mean what suits them instead of just keeping it simple as God intended.

Next time …why should it happen to us?  Ever asked that?

…sounds a bit dramatic doesn’t it? but it could be…as it’s the day of my heart operation…hey what’s that all about, I started this blog to talk about how I was coping with Myeloma..blood cancer- and other extras’s like the diary of an ex cop – now that’s been put on hold…the cancer treatment and a new challenge heart surgery has arisen …drat!

Anyway the title may be a bit dramatic, I suppose it could be the reader’s last day on earth too! Cos none of us know do we?

O.K now we’ve got that out of the way I should explain. The cancer’s in partial remision, less than 1% currently in my body, great news. All medication for that has been suspended. I feel absolutely great…But on 19th Jan those wonderful people at Bournemouth Hospital are looking at treating some coronary heart disease they’ve discovered, it came to light after a strenuous kayak trip a couple of months ago.

That being the case I thought I’d give you a religious bit before it may be too late…well these operations don’t always go according to plan. ‘Don’t worry the religious bit won’t be too ‘ heavy’ but feel free to skip it if you like. Each time I try to share it with my church ‘they’ laugh! As a famous comedian once said before he died ‘I told you I was ill’.

I had been in the police service for three years and thought that I was a Christian, after all I had a lot going for me, being a church attender and assisting in the BB (Boy’s Brigade) I never did anyone knowing any harm and arrested the sinners. I had just been accepted for the Mounted Branch, a coveted posting and had met my future wife Mo (Maureen). I could not have been happier and yet there was a growing awareness of something missing in my life. I did not have the deep down sense of peace or a real purpose in life,something was missing. Ken Brooks and others at the church were ‘that way’, religious they had something but I did not know what it was. I had often heard at church people talk of a ‘conviction of sin’ I took that to mean guilt for murder, robbery, burglary, sex crimes, that sort of thing. Over time words that Jesus had said came to mind. ‘Drunks don’t go to heaven’, don’t get angry for that leads to murder in your heart, if you lust after a woman, you’ve committed adultery in your heart. This was disturbing, I had been drunk a few times at the police college, and since then I reasoned that all men had these thoughts and it was normal.

Anger, hatred being equivalent to murder…tricky, should I arrest all people with those thoughts? Course not, obviously God’s ways and standard were higher than ours.
During street evangelism once a man told me that he despised the police. No offence in the eyes of the law, but to God…hatred?

As for lust, what young man had never lusted after a woman? Years later at a Billy Graham rally he said it was ok to look at a pretty girl…but the second look?

At a Luis Palaus crusade (Argentinian evangelist) he caught his son looking at an attractive girl, the son apologised, but he said, ‘thank God you’re normal.’
So Jesus teaching seemed a bit heavy to me.

The BIble says’if you’ve broken one law you’ve broken them all’  Suddenly all seemed different, no longer was I the respectable church going, young policeman who helped others, I was condemned by God, there was no appeal, this was depressing.

I sought out Ken Brooks my old BB Captain, and asked him what a Christian really was, he pronounced, someone who had trusted Jesus has died in their place and had asked for forgiveness…do you believe that?  it dawned on me that I did, yet had never made a personal commitment.  I told Mo that I was going to ‘give it a try’.  What presumption, as if I was doing God a favour, she said rather politely, ‘I’m pleased for you’ not fully realising how I felt, so that’s how it happened, I just asked Christ into my life -and he came!

There were no flashing lights, no singing choirs, no big meeting, with emotional appeals, no heavy counselling.  Just a few words alone with God but what a change took place.

To be forgiven, what a feeling, it still thrills me to know that there is ‘no condemnation for those who have trusted in Jesus’  I was forgiven just like the man at the station free from drugs. I was set free. I knew instant peace, forgiveness and love.  some come to Christ through a desire of heaven, others through fear of Hell, I fell in love with Jesus, it must sound weird but it was as powerful as the love that I had for mhy fiance.  That Christ should love me enough to die on the cross in order to take away my sins and make me acceptable to God.  It was amazing.

Words cannot really describe the thrill, I felt I was floating on air.  I knew that I was forgiven, the peace, the feeling of euphoria, it was as if I’d won the pools!  Today I’d probably have to say won the lottery.  I have never regretted my decision, …watch out bit heavy stuff on the religious side coming up… Why not give it ‘a run ‘ yourself? police jargon for trying it yourself. He is more real to me now in 2012 than he was all those years ago at the age of 22.  I worship,know, love adore and am thrilled to bits with Him.  He knocks my socks off, not a dead hero but the living Lord Jesus.

End of the really heavy stuff guys.

When I told my mum she said,’Oh you’re not one of them?’ did she think I was a leper? My brother said, ‘I’ll give it six months’.  At Rochester Row police station someone said ‘you’ve changed!’ Best evidence I could have really, as the Bible says we get new life, old things pass away.  A Christian is a new creation.

I found these word to be amazingly true. Dirty jokes no longer amused me.  I did not want to get drunk or swear anymore.  I had found a new outlook on life.  I had changed.  God was taking away my desire for the old way of life, I had found something better.  I had found Jesus and his words in the scriptures became thrilling and relevant for me, no longer sayings  in an old book but alive and meaningful for today. 

I felt that Christians should aim for the top in all they do so I  determined to excel in everything I did, over the years I became , A Gym Instructor, Self Defence Instructor, Diving Instructor, National police champion. Trampoline Instructor, First aid and Snowboard Instructor, Sergeant and Acting Inspector finally getting a BA(Hons) as I left the police service.  This is not really boasting because like Paul none of these qualifications can be compared for the ‘excellency of knowing that Jesus is my Saviour.’ That bits quite a statement and you may have to look it up you’ll need an AV to understand it!

My fiance Mo soon became a Christian, her best friend lent her a Gospel of John, she only read it because she knew that Jo would question her on it.  So she read it, was challenged and gave her life to Christ.  Now we were and have remained a ‘team’ .  How wonderful life was.

More religious stuff

I wanted to share this new love, this joy , this experience with everyone…funny forty years later I still feel the same today  and often  go into cafe’s doing magic with a message or open air work sharing my faith with anyone who will listen.  As a friend once said, ‘I’m an evangelist and can’t help it!’

Back at the station I’d put up posters with religious words like ‘Jesus Saves’ others would add ‘Green Shield Stamps’ (That was a bit like bonus points on a stores loyalty cards). It may have seemed strange but it was a way of nailing your colours to the mast.  One reason I excelled in lots of sports was to show that a Christian was not just weird but could be good at ‘other’ things. When  an allegations was made against me once the Inspector said, ‘Not sergeant Lawton  he’s a Christian.’ I found like many others with a faith it was thought that we should have the answer to the world’s problems….of course I did not but it was a chance to share my belief.

As a Christian I lost fear, and probably moaned less than others, I had a joy that many did not have, and an assurance regarding the future.  Another time, if permitted I’ll tell you of some of the amazing things that  the Holy Spirit did in my life…perhaps.

Don’t forget …those that do..to pray on Thurs re the heart stuff, can’t wait to get back to running and snowboarding after the operation…oh yes and  breathing properly again!

Robin on his bed of nails at FCM this year.( don’t try this at home)

So the summer came and stayed this year didn’t it. Sadly wasn’t really up for any runs..drat, but did get a Kayak which found quite hard! Saw my first ever Kingfisher, beautiful, I must be going soft! After second trip down river, had to go into hospital for some check ups, double drat, Waves of fatigue revealed problem with heart now…but spoken of that elsewhere.
Cancer however dying!
Fatigue increased, Angiogram finally revealed reason- I’d thought an angiogram was like an old fashioned telegram…well it told them something. Made me brassed off though.  But others  are dying in war in Tripoli, Afghanistan and daily murders……Funny how selfish you can get.
Sept:  did three mile jog, now that was better.
Heard delaying stem cells to look at Heart..not so good! But enormous PEACE, still visiting local cafe’s with magic and message Spoke with five there.
had to stop Mo telling people I’m ill. Bit disapointed, thought the big C would be over soon instead looks like another year!

Loads of chats with people with similar illness, feeling good again all sickness gone.
Medication upped a bit. Consultant happy with progress…Me, tired of being tired.

Sept: Guess what very tired! Did some walkabout magic at Boscombe Pier a few times made people laugh and sometimes shared faith. Great to have one to share.

Friend developed cancer, Blow, not good prognosis.
Me need to trust more. Then heard it will be stents for me!

Still enormous peace…do you know the feeling even in adversity. Actually more than than had to realise could die from two things now Cancer and sudden heart attack! …or treatment looks to be extended another year..does not make me happy!

Oct: Sleeping well again
‘I have learned in whatsoever state I’m in therein to be content’  Amazing PTL
Finished building fence, fixed bath seal, trimmed hedge! Feel good

Religious bit, ‘Nothing can separate me from the love of God, Satan is a loser.
Mowed lawn front and back, Wood walk with Emily, weight dropping regurgitating a lot. Not enjoying food. Sketching a lot. Feeling emotional…tablets again.
Practiced juggling sabres on the beach! Did some heavy reading, and show at Fareham.
‘Stand in the Gap, Terry’…anyone know where that comes from? More cafe stuff, coin sleights card tricks mouse trap, back palm etc. Actually slept well after some chesty coughs, more antibiotics. Getting fed up with being sick!

Nov: Went to Ryl Wooton Bassett, emotional time. What a town.
Cricklade with Colleen, place of my first 18 months, Went to Bath.
Started sleeping again.
The end is in sight, one month more of tablets for Cancer! Then no more treatment.
But have to moan cos waited for stem cells for ten months to be told it’s on hold while we treat something else. Very disapointed and taken a few days to get used to it.

Religious bit:
OK if God wants me to have stents fine, but not happy, hope He has an alternative plan. Moan, Moan, Moan,‘quiet and get on with it’! Watching best programme series in the World. ‘West Wing’
‘You have a chance to share faith with more people in the next year than ever before’
Muslims, Catholics, Jews, Plan! Funny how one can feel wretched when sick then when feeling better forget how one felt!
Nov 16. Rough few days again, felt groggy, breathing, stomach, lack of sleep again, decision on heart, could do with a mighty miraclel. Read Ecclesiastes, Malachi, Romans, Judges and other stuff, helpful.
Did Cabaret at Bourenmouth for double 40th. Close up, went well.
Drat: Confirmed today, stems postponed await stents! Extra 56 pills a month!

Read book of James, More cafe stuff with Chris. 13 days treatment left…..

Big family meal, great to see most there,  

Final cycle Cycle  that’s eleven months of treatment, no more Chemo, big PTL.

Dec 15: Should have gone to Bath today but got Bronchitis again…soooooooo fed up with being ill.  But some good news date for stents is now 19 Jan……

OK ENOUGH OF THIS LETS LOOK AT SOMETHING ELSE.. How about starting with my

beautiful grandaughter …………………….Emily

The flat in Streatham was in a dilapidated condition.  The wall paper was peeling and ‘fag ash’ yellow.  The floor was carpetless and thre rooms sparsely furnished with old dark brown items.  The kitchen’s former colour scheme of faded cream and green from the 1950′s it was now late 1980′s was barely discernible.  The cupboards were empty of food.  There was a smell of decay about the place – death was present.

The threaddbare curtains in the bedroom had been drawn as a mark of respect.  His wife said, ‘I found him like this when I went to see if he wanted a drink’ and pointed to the frail, still figure of her husband lying in bed.  He wore a grey beard and his eyes were open, his face though gaunt had a noble look about it.  He had retained his dignity.  I closed his eyes, feeling that the flesh was still warm.  He looked as he had died of malnutrition.  Yes even 30 years ago people were starving in London.

His wife, though poorly dressed, spoke with a well educated accent and had clearly seen better times.  She was remarkably in control, the implications had not yet hit her.  I carried out the normal police procedure. ‘ Put the kettle on and let’s have a cup of tea’..to take her mind off a bit and give her somethng to do.  Divisional surgeons’ on his way.  Can I get anyone  to sit with you, do you want any relatives notified? Rather more gently, was there a will or an insurance policy.  This done with as much kindness as possible, most police usually make a hasty retreat, glad they’ve done their duty.

On this occassion I was able to do more as I had noticed a picture of the Madonna on the wall.  ‘Are you a Catholic.  Can I get a priest?’

‘Yes, but I’ve not been to mass for some time.’

‘I’m a Christian too’ I said and believe that if we’ve trusted in Jesus, death is not the end, we will one day be with Him.’

She brightened.  ‘I believe this too.’ I passed the message on and was able to leave feeling that I had eased her pain a little.

Lines of maturity!

Shortly after, I attended the scene where twins sister had died.  They were well known ladies in their sixties.  At this house too I was able to share my faith and leave some scripture.  But one twin was disinterested saying that she had believed until mother had her first stroke. I was disapointed until I met a brother in the street a few days later who said how I’d helped his sisters.   You never know do you.  Who bettter  to give helps than the first person called to the scene usually a policeman, if that one is a Christian they can give so much more.

The Bible says that we should ‘cast all our care on Him (Jesus) for He cares for you.’ So share sensistively  if you believe it……..

So before I tell you about some real giants, let me share some gigantic thoughts  and feelings during treatment.  Some are mountains, some are …. well just read on.

..lots of nights without much sleep, apparently it’s the steroids., coped by getting up and wrote some magic scripts….got a chesty cough, oh that was awful!

Felt rough and emotional,l

Started sharing magic with a message in local cafe, great times…emotions very near surface and go from high to low, realising this is the tablets. Bowels, horrible, little sleep again, deep fatigue but breathing better. Weight dropping.

Tried a bit of ‘meditation’ and up popped.’.keep him in perfect peace who thinks on God’ Where was this from and heard, ‘In my Book’ I knew that, became overwhelmed with love. DON’T TELL ME THAT’S MEDICATION.

 Slept last night…but still feel miserable

Happiness is a pain feel bowel.  You’ve got to have experienced it to understand folks!

Royal Wedding, did open air free gig, close up, clowning and straight jacket escape, good time but no one wants to pay! Quite mild symptoms throughout May…. just tiredness.

June hospital visit, feel very down, risk fo infection emphasised, more pills, more injections. ..tired, stay away from crowd.  Rubbish have a show later. Felt peace though, odd.  Little sleep… Went to Andys’ good time great BB, felt fine.

July,constant theme of tiredness, guess this is normal. Took to staying up into the night to write or draw sketches. Still able to go for 3 mile runs. Cancer levels dropping. Prostate ok..  Wondered why, felt God say ‘it’s cos I love you’ Donno why but this upset me.

OK onto some GIANTS  

crazy moments        

Fred was an ex-con converted in Dartmoor prison. He was a great friend of the police who once stitched up his wife and sent her to prison even though she was pregnant. He’s written several books about his life and claims that most cops are honest. A few are bent. All police hate this type. Then there are the Christian cops, like Robin Oak, the salt of the earth.

Ever read Harry Cole’s books, telling in his unique way some of the characters and anecdotes associated with police work. The Bible ( Best Instructions Before Leave Earth) says that we should enjoy our work. I did, loved every mnute of it. Imagine being paid to learn to ride a horse for six months. Imagine being taught self defence,first aid, inter personal skills – whatever that is, doing a free Certificate in Education leading to a further degree? imagine meeting Royalty, Cabinet ministers? Getting the best views at State occasions, having a little black card that takes you anywhere without question. Being respected by most members of the society…not the toe rags, but who really cares about them. ok, one such toe rag hoped I’d die of Cancer, he will probably get his wish…am I bovvered? No. I cannot be cursed, I’m protected.oops sorry I digress.

Be warned guys the next bit is a bit spiritual but not heavy and certainly not preaching.

First copper I met was Herbert Jones from Hampshire, he was one of those giants, I was traffic duty in Victoria and tried to ‘stick him on’ for parking. Herbert invited me to Caxton Hall, annual meeting of the CPA (Christian Police Association)..I never gave him that ticket!

Rush hour stops at about 7pm I knew I could’nt go but guess what it ceased at 6pm! I went and found some really big men in both their feet size and faith. Men who encouraged me throughout 34 years police service.

There was Don Axcell who later helped the widow of Keith Blakelock, butchered at Notting Hill. As the years passed wherever I went people would say, ‘do you know Don Axcell ?’ He always seemed to beat me there..except climbing Tower Bridge!

These big men sang hymns I couldn’t believe it, I was not the only copper in the police. Amazing.
CPA founded by Catherine Gurney when asked if she thought a policeman had a soul. She gave police tracts, have you ever spoken to a policeman about his spiritual lifef?
Jim Green Inspector in North London who with his wife Irene, influenced me greatly, He led many CPA teams in which we shared the reality of Jesus. Jim used to say that CPA stands for Come Prepared for Anything. It means at the meetings, be prepared to testify, sing, play guitar, preach, or read. As teams travel you often had no idea what you were doing till you arrived. It was great Jim was a great preacher.
Mervyn (pearly)Gates, was a sergeant at Chelsea, converted through a Beefeater, nearly lost his leg but was miraculously healed, I’ve seen the photos. before and after prayer. He never stopped telling about Jesus. Himself a former boxer and tennis champion he said that real life is knowing Jesus. My wife thought that his prayers were so loud he must think God was deaf. On one team his passion resulted in the gown he was wearing to be ripped apart, we fell about laughing. He never missed an opportunity to share and we had great times at the Billy Graham crusades. I’ve seen him witness whilst ejecting someone from the meetings. His normal greeting on the phone was ‘ When did you last speak in tongues?’
Whilst retired and well over 70 he returned to Imber court with the Gideons and still shared his faith with the Superintendent.
Ron Perrett from Rochester Row and later Croydon led my BB captains’ son to the Lord after a CPA meeting. His greeting was always,’Bless you my boy’ He burnt up for Jesus.

Robinb Oak former Chief Constable, Isle of Man was nother who was both eloquent and enthusiastic about Jesus. His son was brutally stabbed to death just a few years ago.

Robin was a lousy roller skater, I have vivid memories of both him and Fred Lemon falling around the rink at Filey, looking very inelegant BUT they led a chalet maid to the Lord. Robin has been a powerful preacher all his life and is a real giant of a Christian.
Supt Boud from W.Midlands tells the story as a young officer in the mining district he attended a Colliery where a jumper had climbed the huge wheel. He looked around him and drealised that ‘ I had least to losel’ as his colleagues had wives, kids, etc and as he climbed was comforted with the thoughts that he knew where he was going. He successfully talked the man down.

Billy Burns who catches bullets in his mouth, was a sergeant from Somerset and lay bleeding on the pavement, minus teeth said that he knew where he was going but didn’t want to go this way! He miracuously survived minus teeth. That day I heard his wife testify on the TV to their faith and trust in Jesus. Billy has since written an account in his book ‘Chase’

Rev George Roberts, fomer CPA secretary used to say that we should ‘walk the talk before we talk the walk’ well he would wouldn’t he, he’s Irish!

Gordon A’Court, that missionary copper to the Welsh and a great friend of Robins’ was another who just could not stop sharing Jesus. What a privilege to know these giants in my service. There were many others the book of Hebrews speaks of many other saints who are a great cloud of witnesses. I thank god for their friendship during my years in the Police.

Just back from hearing my friend Mike speak on ‘hope’ part of my blog title isn’t it? Appropriate for it’s the subject I want to share now. Fuuny word, I’m hoping that when I’ve done this I can at last download a clip on magic and ‘hope’ you don’t see how i do the tricks. I’m ‘hoping’ that I can at last put it onto this site and you don’t have to click into my my facebook to see it. But I’m not ‘hopeful’ of that. I’m ‘hoping’ Tim will make contact and show me how to do it…I’ve only waited about five months so far he’s so busy, he’s been doing courses in India and works in Germany
Funny word, let me tell you some of my HOPES in my journey through Multi Myloema…CANCER.

I was the fittest man in the world last Christmas, I came back from visiting my brother in the Wirral, he’s got illness problems himself, I caught a chest infection…they often die of that. My symptoms prompted a vigilant GP to a blood test whilst I’d ‘hoped’ it was nothing it was Pneumonia and something ‘sinister’. He suspected Cancer, good job He investigated and I had an immediate intervew with guess what, Dr. Helen McCarthy of Bournemouth who wrote the programme for the treatment throughout the South West. Trouble was at the interview I was introduced to my personal Macmillan nurse. Hey aren’t you about to pack your clogs when you meet those people? Makes you want to pray even more. I put on the brave face, told them I was a Christian and wasn’t scared of the future. They must have thought I WAS MAD!

Subsequent test results in confirmation of diagnosis. blood stuff, lumbar puncture, Chest Xrays and I’d ‘hoped’ it’d all be over soon. It seemed a mountain and I cringed at a year plus treatment. I’d ‘hoped’ to do a straight jacket escape on the snowboard in a month or so time. This was banned. This was getting serious. I then started on monthly bone strengthening injections and hundreds of pills a month. I’d ‘hoped’ on 1. No Cancer 2. if so no side affects,…I got both wrong although the side affects when over have been minimal.

Quick word on the hope bit, as said, funny word, I’m not talking about the fingers crossed ‘hope’, Karma, the give up ‘hope’, the if I am lucky ‘hope’, or I ‘hope’ to finish the Marathon ‘hope’, which I’ve done a number of times… whilst that’s ok…this bit is the ‘Christian Hope’ in Christ, which is more of a certainty than, ‘oh I hope all comes out right in the end’, more of that later.

Then suddenly there was a thunderbolt, ‘we need to check your prostate, it’s enlarge, this was followed with, we need to check your heart it’s sounds dodgey, followed with you need an mrsa test. I’d ‘hoped’ all these were negative. Others prayed, those who don’t showed care and support anyway. Most of these things turned out to be negative. As time went by the Chemo began to kick in…well it’s supposed to isn’t it. I’d been ‘hoping’ that this mountain would go ‘into the depths of the sea’ Well it didn’t but any fear of it, any despair, any depression, any doubt did. Hey I could not sustain that…it’s been nearly a year now and it has been friends familly and Christian prayers that have kept my ‘hopes alive’ Remember that word, not crossed fingers hope but a certainty that I’ve had since the age of 22. These are not the fears of a guy,’getting on’ but a life long committed Christian sustained by a ‘revellation of Christ love’ Hey don’t worry not gonna get too religious guys.

After about five months Helen told me the chemo was working and we could look forward to stem cell treatment, I’d go into remission for who knows how long before it came back. You seen it’s not curable…that’s another mountain for HE WHO CAN BE NAMED GOD.

Just before i was to be given my own stem cells I got breathless and wobbly on the Kayak..not surprising I suppose. My pulse dropped to 42 and my wife got me admitted. I’d ‘hoped’ it was trivial. Another vigilant Dr. got me admitted for further test in the acute Cardiac award. Again I got the best Dr JR who checked everything, I’d hoped it was trial, nope it didn’t look like it. He spoke of Pacemakers..I didn’t like the sound of that, I’m a sportsman. For three weeks he said this..Hopes and prayers against expert diagnosis won! On the last day the hope was that certainty i mentioned when he said ‘All that we spoke about has vanished go home but I want to see you back later for angiogram. WOW PTL.
Weeks later I had one and he said, ‘oh oh! narrowing. looks like you need stents.’
‘Oh No, I’m in for Cancer, I don’t need this!’
He and Helen both said, ‘sorry old son Heart comes first you’d probably die if we try the stem cells. Well have to put that on hold for about a year!’ This is a blow and has taken me four days to come to terms, but Mike’s word tonight helped, my reminding me that my hope is in Jesus Christ. So that’s where I am tonight folks.  Awaiting decision on….. wait for it the best guy in the stent department in the SW…on the 24th of this month.  Meanwhile I am on my last month of chemo.  Have been promised that I will feel fine after the stents ( although I am still  ‘hoping’ for another miracle) to avoid them join me in you know what folks please.  I’ll be able to run again, kayak, snowboard and intend to do lots of ‘witnessing’, google it.

Before I attempt that dvd download a word of encouragement for others. This bits religious so you don’t have to read it.

 There are plenty worse than me.  If your fit this will mean little probably, but sadly it’ll come to many we are all wearing out!  Don’t give up.  You have a choice, if you are seriously ill, heart, stroke, parkinsons, cancer, mental illness, all these are outside your control, whether young or old ‘It’s appointed once for man to die and then  the judgement’  Yes we will all die either young or very old, but it will happen. The ‘sting’ fear of death is sin.  But Jesus has died in our place and can take away the fear he has mine, and give grace to bear it.   HE LOVES YOU WHETHER YOU KNOW OR LOVE HIM OR NOT.  You cannot earn salvation by buying Poppies or doing good deeds, HE LOVES YOU ANYWAY.  trust in Him and you can know his love and feel that peace, He has proved it, that’s why He came at Christmas.  EMAIL ME IF YOU WANT TO KNOW MORE AT  www.  training-for-life@ntlworld.com 

OK let’s go for that dvd and next time out I’ll tell you about Robin  Oake and some amazing giants in the Police Service.  Keep smiling.